Like a Big Pizza Pie
by Section 2
Summary: The adventures of a cyborg girl, and her dilapidated farmland.
1. Day 1 & 2

_**Like a Big Pizza Pie**_

**_A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by:_**

_**Section 2**_

**_Chapter 1 by: Sintendo_**

_**Day 1**_

* * *

_**Note**: Here's a fun little diddy I wrote, just because Neo-byzantium (Over at the GSG boards) was wondering what kind of cross-overs we could come up with. Being the jack-ass that I am, I suggested 8 stupid ones and two that were rather feasible (the two that I considered feasible were a Haibane Renmei or a Monster Hunter Cross-over). Little did I know that the second to last suggestion I made (Harvest Moon) would go over so well with everyone at the boards._

_If you haven't played any Harvest Moon games, basically it's a farm simulator… yeah…_

_Anyways, this story is dedicated to everyone at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" forums, especially Sheo Darren (For the hilarious Farmer-Claes fic "A Picture Is Worth Your Life" that pushed me to do this). It's primarily a rant on the game itself (even though I love it to death) and it's neat little quirks that everyone else in the virtual town seem to ignore._

_And one last thing: everyone in this story WILL be out of character…_

_**

* * *

**_

I had no idea who this man and what his connection to my father was, yet I was compelled to follow his every move. As he led me past the interiors of what appeared to be a dormitory, the feeling of nostalgia welled from within. I know this place, but _from where?_ These walls were a portrait of something that I cherished long ago; something that was supposed to be important.

He spoke to me as we walked, telling me things I _should_ have known…

"Your father," he began, "You could say he was a good friend of mine."

Not that I cared.

"Oh, by the way, my name is Lorenzo," he tipped his hat – an odd mixture of top hat and derby – and continued escorting me, eventually leading me outside, "As you already know, he was a man of peace and relaxation. However, such tranquility cannot be gained without hard work. During your father's younger years, he and I worked this land; tilling the fields, tending to the crops, etcetera. He was very specific on what he wanted me to do."

"And that is?" I finally spoke.

He pointed to an empty field before me, "This is yours."

I glanced at the field; nothing but tall grass, weeds, and – for some reason – logs. It was almost as if they were placed there by the hands of some god.

"I'm sorry if it seems a little dilapidated," Lorenzo said, "But it's been a long while since your father left this place."

"Ok…," I wondered, "Is this one of those 'If you build it, they will come' sort of things? 'Cuz ya know… apparently we're in a top secret government institution and if I _do_ build 'it', 'they' will _not_ come."

"Don't be a smartass, young lady." He sighed.

"You're the one who dragged me from my perch in the library, telling me something important has come up. What is it that my 'father' wants? Where is he, anyways?"

For as long as I can remember, I've spent my entire life in this institution – The Social Welfare Agency, they call it – being myself: the natural bookworm, even thought it feels as though I did something else more gratuitous and violent just the day before. My father was never around. Any personnel I asked would often sway the topic in another direction, or say that he was extremely busy. What kind of a bastard would never visit their own child?

No matter; I was happy with my current life – however short that may be or have been…

"I'm very sorry, but he passed away a few days ago." Lorenzo was solemn while I was not. How could I feel sorry for a man I never knew?

"And he left me this? **_Instead of money?_**"

"Yes," Lorenzo instantly perked up, standing on his heels as a physical gesture of giddyness, "Though there are some requirements…"

"Such as?"

"Ahem," He retrieved a small scrap of paper from his shirt pocket and said, "This is the requirements that your father laid upon you in order for you to legally own this land. 1) Care for, and maintain the land, 2) Grow at least 20 units of 20 different crops, 3) Raise at least 4 animals, 4) Upgrade your room to at least a 2 bedroom living quarters—"

"Hold on a minute," I interjected, "That sounds _suspiciously_ like a game…"

Lorenzo began to sweat ice cubes; not like a pig, because they don't sweat, but more like a Poison Dart frog.

I think I was on to something…

"Ahem," he nervously cleared his throat, "If I may finish…. The final requirement; number 5) Get married."

"Excuse me? I'm only 13 years old! I doubt that's legal, you pervert."

"Ahem," Lorenzo cleared his throat once again, "Follow me and I'll show you the tool shed."

The tool shed was exactly that: a wooden shed made to store tools, nothing special. But this man, this weird looking and foul smelling man, was apparently into the entire tool "thing". He went into a lecture for every single tool.

"This is your standard tool, a hoe, though this one is kind of rusty and a bit used…," he picked up to tool (I was surprised I wasn't on the floor and laughing my ass off at the barrage of innuendo right now…), "You use this to break up caked dirt so that air can be mixed into—"

"—into the soil so it can be suitable for raising plants, yada, yada, yada," I yawned, "A child knows what a hoe is for, what a shovel is for, what a rake is for, what a—" I picked up an odd device that resembled a rubber and steel squid, "…what the hell is this?"

"That?" Lorenzo smiled, "That is a cow milker."

I tossed the disgusting machine onto the floor, "Ew. Ew. Ew. Can we leave now?"

"If you wish," he motioned for me to follow, "This way to your new room."

"New room? What's wrong with the library?"

"You can't sleep in the library floor forever. Besides, you'll have a new roommate as well."

"_Greeeat," _I thought, _"Just wonderful."_

He led me back into the building that was located right before the field. Inside, we passed a few doors before he eventually presented to me my new room. Inside was rather plain and lacking in the decorations department – save for a half dozen stuffed bears on a shelf. Also accenting the neutral room was a plain bunk bed, a coffee table, a tv, a pair of dressers and matching drawers, a pair of (rather comfortable looking) chairs, and even a kitchen (Fridge and sink included)! Just one question lingered in the back of my head: _Where the hell is the bathroom?_

"You'll be sharing this room with a girl named Triela." Lorenzo told me.

"_She sounds like a hag," _I noted to myself, then, "Well, is there anything else you need to tell me? Like, you know… where my dad is buried so I can, at least, visit his grave and mourn for his passing and other such 'daughterly' business?"

Lorenzo was quick to answer, "He was cremated."

"Where's his ashes?"

"In the middle of the Mediterranean."

"How did he die?"

"He drowned."

"In the Mediterranean?"

"No, in his bathtub."

Well this was getting me nowhere fast…

"Well, I have to go now," Lorenzo said after an odd moment's silence, "Feel free to explore the entire campus from now on," he turned to leave, but spun around again and said, "By the way; you should name your farm."

"No thanks." I said.

"Please give your farm a name."

"I said I don't want to."

"Please give your farm a name."

"No."

"Please give your farm a name." He was like a robot!

"Fine!" I gave up, "Green. The farm's name is 'Green Farm'."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"What was your name again?"

I couldn't believe how stupid this man was, "Claes" I responded.

"Are you sure?"

"What the hell do you mean, 'Am I sure'? Of course I'm sure!"

"Well then, I'll be off. If you ever need help, don't ask me because I don't know a thing when it comes to farming."

* * *

So here's a wrap-up of what has happened so far: I was pulled away from my snug life as a dedicated reader, I was given a farm by my recently deceased father (who drowned), I was given a new room with a roommate who seems to be the furry type, and I have a hoe in my hands. 

Awesome.

Seeing as how I had nothing else to do today, I began to start work on clearing the god-forsaken mess of a land that my father left me. Now this may seem wired to you, but for some weird reason, I am only allowed to carry two items. Try as I might, whenever I try to pick up a third item, one of my currently held tools disappear! It's like magic, only less magical and more annoying.

"_Why, oh why can't I just be left alone and die reading in peace?"_

I started off by clearing the rocks and boulders that littered the field. It's amazing what a few hits of a hammer can do to rocks; but the work was tiring and by mid-afternoon, I was exhausted with only half the field cleared of rocks and whatever weeds I happened to pass by.

"Jesus Christ, it's like a football field!" Soccer, to you Americans out there.

I decided to call it a day; it was already dark, I was tired, and the wolves were out… howling… from somewhere… in Rome?

Back in my room, I found that a dark girl was already inside, assembling what appeared to be a meal.

"Howdy," she said to me, "You must be the new girl." It sounded as though she were reading from a script.

"Excuse me?" It felt as thought I've known this girl for nearly my entire life, but I couldn't quite figure out from when and where.

"I'm Triela, your roommate." She seemed unimpressed at my appearance.

"Well, my name's Claes." I tried to be kind.

"Not gonna even bother trying to remember that." She began grazing on her meal.

"Is that dinner?" I asked. I hadn't even noticed how hungry I was until I smelled how wonderful the slop she was forcing down her throat smelled, as awful as it appeared.

"Yeah, **my** dinner."

"May I have some?"

"Ha!" she nearly snorted, "'Round here, you have to work to live, and I haven't seen you work one bit."

"_I_ was out in the fields!"

"_I _didn't see you."

Triela was the very definition of the word "Bitch", but I couldn't bring myself to argue back, or even attack her and steal her food. To do so would be barbaric and not lady-like. It's just like that squid I threw earlier said, "Violence does not solve everything. It only solves _some_ things."

Then again a gaggle of rusty hoes suggested that I beat the living crap out of the darkie, saying things like, "That bitch ain't got what it takes to fight back!" and "Slap da hoe!" and other such nonsensical jargon.

As reasonable as their suggestions sounded, I decided to go with my better judgment and side with the squid and the rocks – who were of the same opinion – so I let the girl live. I couldn't go to sleep, though, because I was always interrupted by the sounds of a gurgling man…

Weird things happen when you go to bed on an empty stomach.

_**Day 2**_

The sounds of birds chirping forced me awake. Not only that, but the scent of unidentifiable food rushed into my nostrils (I didn't care what kind of food it was). At first, I thought Triela must have been cooking, but when I sat up from the top bunk (which was assigned to me by Triela) she was nowhere to be found. Instead, there on the coffee table was a bowl of the same slop that she was eating last night, freshly re-heated, with a cup for milk to boot.

Maybe she wasn't as mean as I made her out to be.

After I calmly finished my breakfast (read: eating like a duck), a sudden knocking came from the door. Upon answering, I found a trio of "oh-so-cute-and-annoyingly-adorable" girls. Atop each of their their marshmallowy, rosy cheeked faces was a colorful pointed hat, topped with a fuzzy cotton ball.

I was compelled to ask the nearest adult, "Can I keep them?", but, alas, no adults were around…

"Good morning!" The one squeaked – brown hair peeking from underneath her blue cap, "We heard that you were new around here, so we came by to say hello!"

She was so sugary-sweet that I felt my teeth rotting away, "Um… hello."

"My name is Henrietta!" the same girl said.

"I'm Rico!" Another girl said.

"And I'm Angelica!"

"If you need any help at all, just ask us!" Henrietta exclaimed, "We love to work!"

"You love to work, eh?" If I could take advantage of these little sprites, then maybe working on my farm wouldn't be so bad…

* * *

_Well, there you have it._

_**I****f you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two or, if you want to write the next chapter, just sign up in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum and Sintendo will send you all the info you need.  
**_


	2. Day 3

**_Like a Big Pizza Pie_**

**_A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by: _**

**_Section 2_**

_**Chapter 2 by: Colonel Marksman**_

_**Day 3**_

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**_Note:_**_Here is the continuation of that little fuddy ditty Sintendo wrote, in my perspective. Enjoy!_

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"!$&hole birds!" I said when I got out of bed in the morning. Upon checking the time, I realized that I always seem to sleep in 6-hour intervals. Strange, even if I did eat more than usual yesterday and not work so hard, I still have been sleeping _exactly_ six hours. Maybe it's the birds. Geez—_what a life!_

And what a dream—I imagined myself screaming amidst a greenish-yellowish swirl, and then it faded out.

Again, strange.

"'Mornin'," Triela greeted.

My stomach growled—like a man snoring.

Strange, again.

She unfolded a piece of paper and gave it to me.

"What's this?"

"A list of things you need to do."

_Buy seeds._

_Buy cooking utensils._

_Get food._

_Start looking for a husband._

"What kind of crap is this?"

"You need to socialize too, ya know."

I only mumbled a few prayers and choice words for her not-so-well-being.

I walked outside into the sunny day only to find the cutie Harvest Sprites Henrietta, Angelica, and Rico finished cleaning!

"Hi!" One of them squeaked.

"What do you want? Are you finished?"

"Not exactly."

"Why not? You said you would help."

Rico spoke, "You need to…"

"Give us some seeds to…" Triela continued.

"Harvest any crops!" Henrietta finished.

Very strange.

"With what money?"

"G's!"

"Don't 'Geez' me! I was only asking."

"No, that's the currency around here. G's."

"How much do I have?"

"Three thousand."

"What can I do with ten of these G's?"

"Buy an armful of fodder, and maybe a glass of water."

"How much for something to eat?"

"That depends. Are you eating fish, or what?"

"Fish? There's fish?"

"Yeah, you have to buy a pole."

Just great. My stomach told me I needed to play along with this game in order to survive, so I walked out of my farm and explored the town.

"HI!" Came a shout. It shocked me nearly to death. I almost punched the speaker.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Lauro. I work out a lot."

"I'm Claes."

"I'm Lauro. I work out a lot."

Just great, I thought, another robot.

"And?"

"My daughter also works out."

I decided to leave, but I discovered—for some strange and odd reason—I couldn't move! I was running in place! I ran harder and harder, but still—nothing! Then I started (unwillingly) pivoting around and faced Lauro.

"I like it here in Forget-Me-Not Valley. Weather here always varies."

"Thanks for the information," I said sarcastically. That wasn't strange; just flat-out bizarre.

That's when I saw Lorenzo walking down the street towards this bridge. I ran to him, urgent to find the things on my list—but he spontaneously started talking.

"If you want to find out where you are, look in your map. The map will tell you where everyone else in Forget-Me-Not Valley lives, and where you might find them."

Then he just started walking—to where I don't know—just like that!

Weird.

… I might as well be in a video game called "It's a Terrible Life!"

That's when I saw a little girl running around. Not really little, just eight or nine, with a ponytail.

"Hi! I'm Elsa, Lauro's daughter. I work out with my dad! You must be the new farmer."

Go figure.

She then spontaneously ran off. I was _still_ starving, so I pulled out my map and I found my face in the exact spot where I was.

_Really_ bizarre.

"What? No restaurants? No food places? _Nothing?_"

My stomach growled again. I walked straight into the Inn to see if they had a chief.

"Oh, hello," a quiet and kind woman greeted me at the door, "you must be the new farmer. Nice to meet you. I'm Elenora. I co-run the Inn with my husband Fermi."

"Do you have any food?"

"Sorry. I can only cook for my guests."

"Is there _anywhere_ I can find something to eat?"

"You can fish."

"I don't have a pole."

"You can harvest."

"I don't have any crops."

"You can eat certain plants on the ground raw. They are a little bitter, but they sustain you."

"Oh, just great. Anything else?"

"You can get eggs from you chickens."

"Why don't I just eat my chickens?"

Elenora gaped open her mouth and stared at me for quite sometime as if I told her I was going to vandalize her inn.

"I don't have any chickens."

"Oh," she sighed with relief, "that's good."

I walked away to see a man with walking over to a spot near the inn. He looked around and suddenly shouted, "Ok! Rabello's Shop is now open for business!" And suddenly—out of his magical pants—an entire stand popped up!

Talk about frighteningly bizarre.

I approached him for—once again—another spontaneous action of speech.

"Can I help you?"

"_DO YOU HAVE ANY GOD-FORSAKEN FOOD?_"

"I have a goat and some medicines. But I also have a pole you can buy."

I gave him an ugly stare as my stomach growled again.

"I'll take a pole."

"Five hundred G. Do you know how this works?"

"I've read in books where…"

"You take the line, and throw it into that river over there. You can find more rare but more tasteful fish near the waterfall and more abundant but more bitter fish by the wooden bridge. You can sell me these fish or eat them raw."

"Why can't I just cook them?"

"Are you an experienced cook?"

"No."

"Then, the only thing you can make is pickled turnips."

"You're kidding."

"No."

I took the pole and started running after the bridge when a shout that could be heard across the world…

"CLAES! COME HERE! COME HERE!"

I would've ignored it—even if it meant the farm was on fire, but nooooooo. I teleported over to the barn.

"What is it now?"

"Look!" One of the sprites said.

"A cow. Finally, I can have some beef, or something!"

"You mean, milk?"

"Not if I have to get it from that gross squid-thing!"

"You don't have to. Just milk her."

"And where do I put the milk?"

The sprites paused and looked at one another as if I said something—yet again—immorally wrong.

"Silly!" the one named Henrietta giggled, "It comes in a can!"

"Can I drink it?"

"Sure, but you can get almost 300 G per can."

"And how many cans can I get out of the cow a day?"

"On a good day, three, maybe four. You get a lot more if you use your milker."

"God, please, no!"

"Ok, if that's what you want. Now you have to name her."

"Can't we just call it 'cow'?"

"Now you have to name her."

This wasn't only bizarre, but incredibly **_stupid._**

"Can't someone else name her?"

"Now you have to name her."

"Oh Geez. Triela, can you think of a name for this cow?"

"Oh sure Hun," the girl replied, "Hillshire. Hillshire the Cow."

"Fine. Can I go fish now?"

"Say, Claes," Triela said.

"_What?_" I replied rather impatient.

"Have you done anything on your list yet?"

"No! I'm still trying to get something to eat!"

"It's three o'clock. You better hurry."

"_THREE?_ Gosh, its' only been _eight minutes_ since I woke up!"

"Yeah, a minute is an hour's time here."

I didn't care for food or anything else anymore—**_I WANT OFF THIS GOD-FORSAKEN VALLEY! AND I'M STILL HUNGRY! WHERE'S THE FOOD?_**

I ran over to the seaside to see some hippie playing on his guitar. He started speaking,

"Hey, peace, dude."

"Who are you, and what do you want?"

"I want to be your friend. You must be the new farmer. Oh, by the way, I'm Giuseppe, some people call me José."

"I don't care! I just want out of this place!"

"Hey, man, take it easy!"

Too late. I started running—dashing—sprinting!—for my life!—to what I see was a path up the mountain. Right when I get to the entrance…

"Stop!"

My God, why and how do those Harvest Sprites appear and reappear like that? Geez.

"You can't go any further."

"WHY NOT?" I said now infuriated.

"Because the next town over is a city, and you weren't interested in going to the city."

"But—but—fooooooooood!"

"You haven't linked up to the city. And besides, Forget-Me-Not Valley—understand? _Forget Me Not_.

—_You have to stay here._ —

_------------------------------  
Note: _

_If you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two, just post it in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum. _


	3. Day 4

_**Like a Big Pizza Pie**_

**_A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by:_**

_**Section 2**_

_**Chapter 3: by: Colonel Marksman**_

_**Day 4**_

It tastes—_green_. Still, at least my starvation was gone. The raw herbs would sustain me. Now I wouldn't have to look for food so much, and the stuff is scattered all over the Valley.

So, after my breakfast, I crossed out '_Get Food_.'

"Finally!" I said out loud.

"Hey Claes," Triela greeted, "you find your stuff yet?"

"No. _EVERY $&#$ THING I PICK UP VANISHES! WHERE IS MY STUFF?_"

"Oh, that's funny," Triela said.

"_WHAT?_"

"Why, the stuff is in your rucksack."

"Excuse me? This thing could barely hold a few books."

"Wrong there, Missy. It's got _all_ your stuff."

"That's impossible!"

"Remember what you were saying about Rabello's 'magical pants'?"

"Oh, that."

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_Buy seeds._

So, off I go to get seeds—_finally_. This is when I approached the other farm across the river.

"I need to buy seeds."

"Hey, did you want something?" the thin and strong woman asked rather rudely.

"Yeah—seeds?"

"Well, geez, why didn't ask. What's your name?"

"Claes."

"Oh," the woman rolled her eyes, "the _new_ farmer. I'm Ferro. I help out with this farm."

"Can I please just get some seeds?"

"Sure. Ask Draghi."

"_Howdy!_" Draghi boomed. Claes turned around and looked up at the massively powerful farmer.

"Um—hi."

"You's must be the nuuu farmer," he welcomed.

"Yeah, I am."

"What? You come round here for somthin'?"

"_CAN I PLEASE JUST GET SOME SEEDS AND LEAVE?_"

"Gawsh there youngin', calm down. I don't have the seeds right now. Go inside and you'll find…"

I started running away. There _must_ be someplace else! Everyone here was part of some grand master plan of poking fun at me! I don't know it is, but I'm pretty sure that he or they hope they like for me to commit suicide and end this nonsense.

"DO YOU HEAR ME, WRITERS? DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF OR NOT? GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

**_But Claes, if you would follow the story, things will get better._**

"I don't want to follow the f'n story. I just want to leave! It's a Hell's Life!"

**_I could kill you; in fact, I can do anything I want with you, but…_**

"Then get me out of this stupid Valley. I don't care how, just _do_."

**_Ok. You get out when you die of old age then._**

"You have _got_ to be kidding."

"What's wrong?" one of the Harvest Sprites asked.

"I—want—to—_leave_!"

"But you can't!"

"Hey, what's that?"

"That? That what?"

"Bar? There's a bar? How much for a loaded alcoholic drink?"

"About 200 G."

"Excellent."

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"Yo, I'm Mario, the bartender. Can I help you?"

I looked at the G's I had left. "Mario, I'll take twelve drinks."

"I can only give them to you one at a time."

"Say, you're the new farmer aren't you?" A boy rubbing the counter asked.

"What's it to you?"

"I'm Emilio. I like you."

"Thanks."

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think female farmers are really sexy."

"Ewwu!" Claes stood and backed away from the counter.

"Here you go," the bartender said.

Thank goodness! Something that can kill me! I drank it all up, and another, and another, and another, and within twenty minutes, I drank five.

"Hmm," Mario said, "I better not give you any more."

"_WHAT?_ I just wasted 1,000 G on alcohol?"

"I guess so. Feel better?"

"No."

"Oh—sorry, I can't help you."

I rammed out the door and ran around in circles trying to figure out what to do. I needed to do _something_.

"Hey, is everything all right?"

I looked up to see a scruffy traveler—another boy.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Pinocchio. I travel."

"Swell. Travel where? From one end of this place to another?"

"Oh, no. The world."

"_You_ travel the world? HOW?"

"I just do. I've been living here for quite some time though. About next year, if I don't marry someone, I'm leaving."  
"Can I come with you?"

"Um—I'll think about it."

"OH! I will do _anything_ you ask! I'll learn to cook, catch fish, farm, I will do _anything_ just _pppppppppppppllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeee_ get me out of here!"

"You be my slave? And all I have to do is get you out of here?"

"YES!"

"Hmm. I'll consider it."

"YES! When can we leave?"

"If we do leave, it will probably be next spring."

"A—a—_whole year_?"

"Yeah. I gotta go."

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"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!" I slammed my head against the barn.

"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!" Ouch…

"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!"

"_WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY? IT'S FREAKIN' NOT FAIR!_"

_Bark!_ _Bark!_

"What—now?"

"Oh," Lorenzo said walking by, "I found this puppy. Why don't you keep him?"

"Why would I keep a puppy?"

"Now you have to give him a name."

"You—are—_not_ serious are you?"

"Now you have to give him a name."

"Harvest Sprites!"

"I'm sorry. That name is too long."

"GRRRR!"

"Need something, Claes?"

"Yeah, a name for this puppy."

"Oh, oh, oh! I know! I know!" Angelica squealed.

"What?"

"Perro!"

"Fine. We'll name the puppy Perro."

"Yah!" The Harvest Sprites yelled in delight. Great. Now I have a headache.

"Whistle if you want your dog to come to you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok. Fine. Now, can you do me another favor? All of you?"

"What?"

"_LEAVE ME ALONE!_"

"Sure! Hey look! The stars!"

Oh, my, freakin', gosh. It's _night_? Already? Well, I suppose there's one good thing about this place.

"Claes! Claes!"

"Who are you?"

"Emilio! Remember? We met at the bar."

"Why are you here?"

"Oh, just looking around the farm."

He came a bit closer to me, and it was a little freaky.

"Man, look at the stars. They're really pretty—just like you are."

"Hey!" A shout came from across the farm, "Get away from my slave!"

"_Pinocchio_—you here to flirt with my girl?"

"Your girl?" I scowled, "What do you mean, _your_ girl?"

"That's right," Emilio said gritting his teeth as Pinocchio approached. Their fists met close and the two were just asking for a fight.

"Hey!" Another shout from across the farm came. "Leave her alone. She doesn't want you two around."

"What's it to _you_?"

The shadowed figure charged with a bloodcurdling scream with a… a…

"Pitchfork! AHH!"

"Claes! Your sickle!"

Oh, I remembered! I removed my sickle from my magical rucksack and the two of us chased off the hooligans.

"Gee, thanks. I owe you one."

"It's nothing," the young farmer tipped his hat, "I hate this place too."

"Who are you?"

The twelve-year-old stepped into the light. Thick black sideburns and jet-black hair covered by a brown cap. He winked.

"Luke."

"Oh. I'm Claes."

"Yeah, you didn't come inside. I had the seeds, see. Did you need some?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Here's eight of them. Their ok."

"How much?"

"Eh! You've had a rough visit. Take 'em, my treat."

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"_Tomorrow, would you teach me about farming?"_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_**I****f you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two or, if you want to write the next chapter, just sign up in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum and Sintendo will send you all the info you need.  
**_

* * *


	4. Day 5

_**Like a Big Pizza Pie**_

**_A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by: _**

_**Section 2**_

_**Chapter 4 by: Sheo Darren**_

_**Day 5**_

**  
**----------

_**Note:** Yes! I get to write this chapter! Anyway, please enjoy._

-----------

Day 5 

**  
**I get up at my usual time. Triela has kindly cooked breakfast. Apparently she's forgiven me for having nearly broken her foot that time.

"Triela," I said with all seriousness, "I'm leaving the Sprites in your capable hands."

"S'kay."

'Aren't you going to ask me where I'm going?"

"'Kay. Where are you going?"

I grimace. "To a friend."

"Is it a guy?"

My teeth grate. "Yes."

"'Kay, hun. Don't forget to cross out the fourth item in your To-Do List, then."

Huh? I pull out my list.

**---  
**

Buy Seeds (Done)

Buy cooking utensils

Get food (Done)

Start looking for a husband.

**---**

**  
**Okay, I'll do that. I move to cross it out.

My pen stops as I read it again.

I glare at Triela. She shrugs, grins and blows me a kiss.

"I hate you," I hear myself tell her.

"I love you, too, darling."

**  
**Outside, my annoyingly cute trio of Sprites waits for my slightest whimsy. "Good morning, Freda!"

What was that they called me? Whatever. "Sprites," I said seriously, "I'm leaving the farm in your capable hands."

"Okay!" the three of them chirruped. Then Henrietta looked at me with googly eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Outside," I mutter.

:"Where are you going?"

Not again… "I'm going to Luke's Farm," I grumble.

At that, all three Sprites stare. Then they beam like idiots, jump around, hug each other and start singing at the top of their lungs.

"Yay! She's going on a date! She's going to court a boy! She's going to get a hubby! She's going to play human pattycakes and eight-armed octopus games! She's going to carry a million kids, all from a single kiss– that's how manly Luke is!"

"I AM NOT GOING ON A DATE, DAMN IT! STOP THAT! YOU DON'T' EVEN KNOW HALF OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! AND STOP RHYMING!"

**  
**Unfortunately, they follow me all the way to Luke's place, teasing me all the while.

I curse the mechanics of this world for not allowing me to be able to chase them off with a sickle like I did last night with Pinnochio and Emilio. Murder is not always morally reprehensible.

The three finally scurry off at the gate of Luke's farm, but not without a last "Enjoy your date!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT-"

"Hi, Claes."

I whirl around. "SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Luke gapes at me. "Eh?"

I blush. "Ah… sorry about that, Luke," I quickly apologize. "Those little twits were annoying me all the way here."

"Ah, okay, it's nothing. Don't bother apologizing. Anyway, here, follow me."

"Okay…"

**  
**"Well?" Luke gestured a bit grandly. "What do you think, Claes?"

I thought I could detect a tinge of embarrassment/pride/anticipation/something-not-exactly-pure-of-heart from his tone.

But I have to admit that his farm is in way better condition than mine. It is a bit bigger, completely fenced and covered with crops. Not a pebble or twig in sight. The crops look to be maybe halfway through to harvest.

He also has animals. Six chickens mill about their coop. A few dumb looking sheep and a big gray cow graze placidly.

And to think all I have is Hillshire the Cow, Triela the Fuzzy Roommate and three annoying Sprites plus maybe half the rocks in the world.

"You must be filthy rich," I said in awe.

"No, not at all. I still have to work very hard. Giuseppe helps me a lot, too."

"Giuseppe?"

"He's my friend. He lives in the vineyard nearby. If you want rich, he's rich. He's the adopted son of the vineyard owner, some retired ex-soldier named Rolito."

A cute white cat ran over to Luke and began rubbing its head against its master's feet. "That's a nice cat," I said.

"This is Priscilla," Luke introduced his pet. "She sometimes finds me seeds that grow in the spring. She's also such a tease."

"Tease?"

"She keeps on trying to convince people into courting other people by teasing them to no end."

I look at the innocent-looking Priscilla, now rubbing her head on my ankles, then at the serious Luke, with a lot of doubt.

"Anyway, you wanted to learn how to farm, right?" Luke gestures. "Follow me."

**  
**"You can clear the land by pulling weeds, breaking rocks, and chopping stumps into firewood."

_I know that part well enough. Standing in place and hammering away at an object to destroy it is hot work._

"Your first hammer and axe are capable of dealing with only small rocks and branches."

_You mean I have this huge battleaxe and a monster sledgehammer, but they can only break up pebbles and twigs? Annoying._

"You can also just put the rocks and branches in your rucksack, and move them to another part of the field where they won't be in the way."

_I did that once. Triela tripped on them and nearly broke her shin. I'm not exactly sure who's fault that was. I did remember Triela didn't leave me dinner. I did say I was sorry._

"After you upgrade the tools once, you can chop up stumps and break the large, smooth rocks. To do this, equip the appropriate tool, face the object and swing six times without moving. If you move, you will have to start over."

_No wonder I had such a hard day the first time around. Just pausing to wipe my sweat away breaks it? Annoying…_

"Upgraded tools will break and chop things with fewer strokes. The heavy rocks cannot be broken with the first hammer upgrade."

_So I need an Mk III Hammer, then._

"Once you have cleared the land, you can till it using a hoe and then plant seeds. If you water the seeds daily, they will grow, and eventually you can harvest them and sell the crops. Some crops are single-harvest (such as potato) while others are multi-harvest (such as corn) and will give harvests until the season changes and the crops die…"

He sounds so much like a character from a game. But I don't get tired of listening to him. He has a nice voice, almost like a narrator's. I can almost imagine him tapping away at a typewriter with me peering over his shoulder to spot for the occasional errors.

Huh? What was that?

"Is there anything else you want to know?" Luke finishes.

"No, I think that's it. Thanks, Luke." Lacking a good topic, I notice the big gray cow was still munching on the grass. "That's a nice cow."

"Actually, he's a bull. A boy cow," Luke unnecessarily and somewhat embarrassedly explained. "I named him Ehud. He's not much use. He can't make milk and I can't make him help me work on my fields."

"I've got a cow. A girl cow," I add superfluously. "Its name is Hillshire. It's not much use to me either." I never touched it. I haven't even looked at the danged thing for four straight days now. I don't want to. The memory of that milking machine is still too fresh in my mind.

"That's a weird name for a cow," Luke commented.

"I didn't name it. My roommate, Triela, named it for me."

"Oh. She probably doesn't like the cow much." He seemed to think over something. "Hey! I got an idea. You have a cow while I have a bull–"

I see where he is going. "So why don't we breed Hillshire and Ehud together, then?" I excitedly finish for him.

Then we both stare at each other and grimace at the thought of Hillshire and Ehud doing icky things on our behalf.

"Ewww…."

"Yuck," Luke agrees. "I think I'll save up for a Miracle Potion instead."

"Me, too."

**  
**"Anyway," Luke was saying as he escorted me to the gate, the day's lessons done, "If there's anything else you want to know, just drop by my place and ask me."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks a lot, Luke. I think you saved my life."

"No problem. By the way, here." He gave me an egg. "If you put it in an incubator, it'll hatch into a chicken."

"Incubator? You mean my microwave?"

"Ah… yeah, something like that. Anyway, take it, it's a gift from me."

"Really?" I catch myself at being so enthusiastic. "But I couldn't!"

"No, really, take it. I have six chickens now. I can't grow any more."

"Okay." I carefully pocket the egg into my backpack. "Thanks a lot for this, Luke."

"It's nothing, Claes. Glad I could help."

He smiled. I smiled back. He fidgeted. I scuffed the ground with my boot.

I feel like we're supposed to do something now.

"Hey, Claes," Luke hesitantly began, with me glued to his every word, "If you don't mind and aren't busy, would you like to–"

"Hi, Luke!"

Mutually relieved (and also disappointed) at a distraction, we turn. A boy in black clothes has just arrived. He waves at us. Luke waves back.

"Hey, Giuseppe. This is Giuseppe," Luke introduced. "He's my neighbor. He helped me out a lot when I first came here. Giuseppe, this is Claes. She's new here."

"Please to meet you, Claes," Giuseppe told me in a friendly manner. "So you're the new farmer? You look to be a pretty capable girl."

I force a smile and suppress a shudder. Please don't try to court me; I still have my sickle in my bag.

He kind of reminds me of that hippie hobo guitarist at the seaside. Hey, wasn't his name Giuseppe, too?

Beside me, I feel Luke tense up just a little. Protectively? No. More like– possessively. Huh?

Giuseppe seems to notice. "Eh? Luke? Anything wrong?"

"Nothing…" If anything he seems even more defensive. What is it with me?

"Are you," I ask Giuseppe, to break the tension, "Related to that guy at the beach?"

"Oh, you mean Jose? No. We just have the same name and look alike. The game designers feel lazy and are a bit stumped for new sprite designs. It's a big plot hole in the game world."

"Oh. Okay." Wait. What was that last thing he said?

"Oh, by the way, Luke," Giuseppe tells Luke. "My sister and Sensei send their regards. Elena also says she'll be visiting later in the afternoon to cook for you."

"Ah." Luke blushes, glancing at me. "Elena is Giuseppe's younger sister." To his friend: "Okay. I'll be expecting her, then."

Elena? A girl? Visiting Giuseppe in the evening?

I frown. Somehow I can't quite accept that. "What time exactly did you say she was coming?" I ask Giuseppe. "And what path does she usually take to get here?"

Giuseppe and Luke stare at me.

I blush. "Sorry. Don't mind me." To Luke: "Thanks a lot, Luke. I got to be going, though. Bye."

And then I run like the wind, away from the scene of my idiocy. The last sound I catch from the boys was Giuseppe. "Ah, Luke?" he was asking. "You mind if I accompany Elena when she visits?"

**  
_To be continued_**

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_**I****f you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two or, if you want to write the next chapter, just sign up in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum and Sintendo will send you all the info you need.**_


	5. Day 6

_**Like a Big Pizza Pie**_

**_A Gunslinger Girl and Harvest Moon cross-over fan fiction by:_**

_**Section 2**_

**_Chapter 5 by: Sintendo_**

_**Day 6(66)**_

**---**

_Note: Short chapter. Things get WILD. Normally I'd apologize for the randomness but... yeah...  
_

---

Suddenly, bubbles! EVERYWHERE!

I screamed at the top of my lungs, wrestling free of the grasp of the hovering orbs, but to no avail. It is only when an annoying ring is heard that the bubbles dissipate, leaving me to wallow in my sweat soaked sheets.

"Damn this psychedelic (yet strangely amusing) dream of mine!"

A groan comes from below, "Victor…" It's Triela's voice, "Soft… squishy… wiggly…"

I didn't think it was possible, but I was now past the feeling of annoyance toward this place and was now downright FRIGHTENED. I managed to catch myself from vomiting on my bed; racing to the only source of plumbing in my hovel, the kitchen sink.

With my mouth (but not my mind) cleansed, I glance at the clock on the counter, trying to remind myself why I set the alarm for 12 am.

I was reminded of Triela's and my conversation before bed time.

---

"Yo Claes!" Triela called as she climbed into her bed.

"What?"

"Don't kill anyone, 'kay?"

---

Even though this town…agency… whatever it was, was totally FUBAR, I was confident that their judicial system would serve me well. I couldn't help but tremble with joy as I set out to meet my target. From Luke's reaction to the mention of this Elena's visit, I could tell he was excited about her coming over.

Completely unacceptable, but for whatever reason, I did not know.

Fortunately, it was only a matter of minutes of hiding behind my wall of bushes until I spot her: Pony tail, standing about as tall as my shoulder, trotting along with a slightly older and obviously male figure by her side… the very image of this Elena and the boy I met earlier named Giuseppe loaded into my head.

I knew that what I was about to do was morally wrong.

"But so is this god-forsaken town!" I growl to myself, seconds before lunging onto the larger figure's head, sinking my sickle into his skull with a satisfying CRUNCH!

The girl screams.

I scream back, "Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!"

The girl screams once more, "Daddy! No!"

At that moment, my heart stops, "D-daddy?"

The fog that filled my head with rage lifted from within and I immediately recognized the victim of my blade.

"L-Lauro?"

"Oh God! What did you do?" Little Elsa screams.

My mind raced, "Oh dammit! I'm going to hell for this… To… hell…" I turn my attention to the weeping blonde, "Going to hell… away from here…yes…"

"W-what are you doing?"

"Tee-hee-hee…" I hiss, "No farming for Claes…"

---

My head felt as though it were left in a blender stuck on the purée setting. I strained to force my eyes open, losing my breath when I discover my surroundings.

"Mornin'." Triela says as she tosses a slice of toast onto my face.

I was back on my bed.

"I know it's kinda disturbing news, but Elsa and Lauro are dead," She says as if it were regular gossip, "Apparently Lauro died by being struck in the head with a blade, and Elsa slit her own throat. According to Officer Fermi, it was a murder-suicide by Elsa since there were no witnesses, no motive, and no suspect."

"DAMMIT!"

---

"_So what if you weren't caught and sentenced to death," _I try to reassure myself, _"Maybe you were meant to be here."_

"Lies! All of it!" I yell back, "Dammit, now I have to go wash my sickle; it's all bloody."

Luckily there was a creek near my house that took only a few minutes of my time to get there. Retrieving my sickle from my bag, I was startled by the shriek of several high-pitched voices.

"Eeeek!" It was the cancerous sprites, "Blood!"

Nearly scared to death, the sickle slipped from my hands and into the creek.

"Good job, munchkins," I growl, "Now how am I supposed to get my sickle?" I try to press forward, but for some reason am unable to, "There's this invisible wall!"

As soon as I say that, a string of harps being playing and filling my ears. The soothing sounds soon announce the presence of a golden being in a flowing white dress appearing before me, hovering above the water. Her floor length blonde hair and emerald eyes reminded me of someone I met some time ago.

"Good farmer," She begins, "It seems that you have dropped an item into my sacred waters."

"Yes," I say, "And it's all because of these elves."

"Good farmer," the being says, "Which tool is yours?"

Materializing from nowhere, A glowing object slowly began to take the shape of—

"Um…" I say, "I… dropped a sickle, not a hammer."

"Is this diamond studded hammer yours?"

She ignored me!

"I didn't drop a hammer!"

"Oh?" She appears to be shocked, "Well, in that case, is this solid gold hammer yours?"

"I dropped a sickle," I say again, "I could see it through the water; it's right ther—"

"Oh? Ion that case, is this 99.99 percent Silver hammer yours?"

This was going nowhere, "I DIDN'T DROP A HAMMER!"

"LOOK, LADY!" The being's sudden burst startled me, "I spent my ENTIRE life catering to YOU people and not once do I receive a 'Thank you, Harvest Goddess Elsa!' or anything of the sort!"

Wait. What? Elsa?

"I'm tired of this CRAP! Choose the goddamn stone hammer and I'll reward you with riches for telling the truth! Is it THAT damn hard for YOU people to understand that?"

The situation was getting even more annoying, "I DROPPED A SICKLE YOU MORON!"

"WELL EXCUUUUSE ME for being a little generous!"

With a quick motion of her arms, the sickle rises from the water and at my feet, along with the diamond, gold, silver, and stone hammer.

"Sell these, you greedy wench! Humph!"

With that, she vaporizes into thin air, leaving me shocked out of my mind, and a trio of giggling nymphs.

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_**I****f you have an idea for what Claes will do for the next day or two or, if you want to write the next chapter, just sign up in the "Farmer-Claes" topic located at the "Yea for Gunslinger Girl" Forum and Sintendo will send you all the info you need.**_


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